How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
