Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
