In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
