Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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