Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
