I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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