For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
