FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
