mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
