y did u give ur computer a hand job?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
