i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
