I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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