My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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