I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
