I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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