If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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