You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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