You really coming over, don't trick.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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