god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
