I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
