saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
