Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
