woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
