okay pat passed out under dana's car
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Actions speak louder than pants.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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