She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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