Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
