We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
