I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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