i just wanna soil my oats bro
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
