is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
