It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
