i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
