can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
