batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
