I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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