We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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