At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
