just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
