I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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