i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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