if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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