But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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