is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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