We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize