I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im calling her cock vulture from now on
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
