My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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