Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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