Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
