Apparently you make a good broom.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
