My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
